Mr. Fed Ex or The Ex

So I am not back together with the Ex but he is trying. One of our reoccurring problems the past 7 years was Valentines day. Last year we broke up right after it because I spent all this money on him, we went to Baltimore and he wouldn't leave the room b/c he caught a cold, we didn't have sex and he didn't even acknowledge it was V-day, other than telling me "Sorry I don't believe in it, you know that" Anyway, he sent me a dozen long stem roses to work. The card reads "Don't say I never sent you flowers. Enjoy the corporate manufactured holiday thanx to Hallmark. Anyway Hope you have a good day! Love Ron. He means well and I do love him but it's just not feeling like crazy love. With Mr. Fed Ex I am still feeling butterflies...in fact more and more everyday. And I still have no idea what he's thinking or feeling. Two days this week(Friday and Saturday) we talked on the phone for almost 3 hours. He called me both times. I mean friends talk on the phone so who knows what that means. I hate to analyze everything. I don't want to be one of those crazy annoying girls. We talked about childhood memories and I was telling him I got spanked in 3rd grade and he said "that's kinda hot actually" I was like "You like the thought of little girls getting spanked, that's a little scary" He said "I don't know what you looked like when you were a kid so I am not picturing it when you are little" I was like "OH REALLY?" and then I made fun of him and said "Your face is red right now isn't it?" We talked about things we miss about being in a relationship and it's so weird how we agree on almost everything. And all my little idiosyncrasies...he seems to have the same. Little shit like I love it dark, I hate having lights on, or how we both love blaring music and falling asleep with the TV or radio on. We like the same music. We have both been in a long hard relationship. Right, I know, for most of those things who hasn't, but we just click. And we laugh and laugh. Maybe he just feels comfortable to talk to me about these things BECAUSE of the fact that he doesn't feel anything. Then there is The Ex....he's trying to get a house, he loves me and is trying to show me that he does. And here I am waiting to see if Mr Fed EX is into me before I make any choices or tell the EX that I have feelings for someone else. I am a bad person! My EX is right, I lie to him all the time. I don't cheat, but I lie or 'withhold the truth" A LOT when it comes to him and I. In my heart I want to make sure THE EX isn't the one by feeling what it used to feel like to be in love. I miss this feeling....WAIT, I am not saying I'm in love but I LOVE the feeling of liking someone, the drama of waiting for the phone to ring, the excitement of the chance he may be feeling what I am, the magic of a first kiss. I know these are only things you have 'in the beginning' but I would like to still believe that there's someone out there for everyone that can make the beginning period last 4ever. I can count on one hand the people I know who are married that still feel that way...but I want to be a part of the exception....not the rule! So I am being a bad girl and waiting for a confirmation from Mr. Fed Ex before I tell The Ex I have feelings for someone else. Sure, it isn't fair to him, I know that. And how can I expect him to trust me? The worst part about it is I am supposed to be with The EX again this wknd, but what happens if Fed Ex asks me out last minute. Or if he calls while I am away, if i do still go. I certainly don't want to lie to him.....but I could ruin my chances if he did know the truth. This is a bad triangle I'm in...or more like a web of lies......What would you do? It's not fair to either of them. Maybe I don't deserve either of them.....