Seriously, I wish I were like A-sexual or a lesbian sometimes. Or that I could just stop getting crushes on people, or falling in love with people who only end up breaking me or just plane end up driving me insane. Single life can be completely fabulous. It's a gift and a curse. I mean this year, well the past two months I have been meeting people left and right. I must look different or act different without the weight of a relationship gone wrong on my back, but it can also be the worst. Like tonite. I am smitten kitten for, of all people, my Fed Ex driver at work. He isn't my 'type' at all. Blonde haired, blue eyed, goofy laugh. We have great conversation and sense of humor wise we click like you wouldn't believe, which is rare for me because i have a twisted one. Ok so I invited him to an Ours show because outside of work I ran into him at an Ours show and that's when he peaked my interest, he ended up coming and my friend Vic went also and the three of us had a great time. After that nite I still have no idea if he has any sort of interest in me what so ever. He's getting out of a relationship, one of those even though it ended in August there are still connections and fights and 'should we get back togethers.' I can relate but obviously its not good timing....as usual!! But back to the point. A long time ago, in fact the nite I ran into him at the Ours show we said we should be concert buddies, so a few weeks after I let him know I was going to a show tonite and he said he was interested and to give him the dates and times and all that good stuff. Then the Ours show came and went, like I said we had a great time, we cont. to see each other at work and I was just waiting for him to invite me somewhere...which did not happen. Yesterday he came in and we talked about his Ex......he says he doesn't talk to anyone but me about her, which may be strange but its nice that he feels comfortable with me. But hes driving me insane, I know its my fault, and I am being overly emotional, like were talking 8th grade emotional!! He never seems to give me any solid answers, like tonite he seemed interested in going, and when I asked him his weekend plans yesterday he said he 'might check out Johnnie Brenda's'(where the band is playing) and I said "Ok just let me know tomorrow" So today I am excited about the show, whether he goes or not I love this band and have been waiting to see them for a while. So at 6p I text him and ask whats up 4 the night. No response. I get home and get online and see that he left me a quick message that says the show is sold out for tonite!!! I was so bummed. I guess I didn't consider that could happen because the band isn't well known. I text him at 7p and said 'Just got your message, bummer, do you know of any other live music 2nite?" No response. Meanwhile, I'm crushed, as if by him not texting me it means he thinks I'm disgusting, is avoiding me, I have no chance with him, life is over, maybe I will call my ex...... Ridiculous!!! Like what is it inside of me that makes me act so irrational? So I call another 'boy' that's interested in me and we have a nice conversation but it really doesn't go any where. I get back on the computer and see that Mr. Fed Ex is online so I message him, psychotically "Are you ignoring me? ;-P " and he signs off the computer. That's when my face started to burn from embarrassment and humiliation and girl crushiness....its a new affliction you know....so I come here to vent...and low and behold "NEW MESSAGE" is spoken to me by my sprint phone, I glance over and there is his name creeping across the barely visible display, "Hey I see Metallica is playing at Wachovia Center hahaha, sorry I fell asleep earlier" Fuck, now not only do I feel like a complete lunatic but also some sort of stalker, not to mention a douche!! I respond "Oh so you weren't avoiding me like the plague? Haha My BFF is at that show! U want 2 sneak in? Tell them were VIP?" God.... I was joking but just repeating that it sounds insane. What is my problem?? He goes "Nah, I don't feel comfortable sneaking in" Uh-oh he doesn't get the joke. I continue to be a 13 year old in desperate need to spend time with him and I respond "I'm kidding! ;-) there are some bands at North Star Bar 2nite that I checked out on myspace that seem cool. What r u doing? Do u want to chill" That was 15 minutes ago. No response. I know I have said this before but WHATS WRONG WITH ME?? Its not really the boys that suck its me!! And here I sit with phone in hand wanted to just call him and be all 'whats up if you don't want to hang with me just tell me' Which I know is the wrong thing to do!" For all I know he could have gone on North Stars website to check out the bands that are playing and hes listening to their music right now....haha wishful thinking. If I were him I would probably put down the phone and run....hahahaha I was right!!! He just text me back "They didn't look that cool but what can I tell from myspace? I think I'm gonna just stay warm and watch a movie, I'm glad this week is over and Go Eagles and Ravens" So he doesn't want to hang. That's fine. And even though it is like 2degrees outside I think that was him getting out of this gracefully. But what do I know?? I NEED TO STOP ANALYZING, texting, inviting and bugging. Just to keep anyone who may be reading this in the loop I am sure your dying to know if my response was psychotic so I will share. I said "Haha, alright. I am sure I will end up doing the same. have fun. Go BIRDS!" I thought that was low-key enough...am I right? Man I need to be less like a teenager. So we will add another goal to my plan. I vow to not text him unless he texts me this week, I vow to not invite him to anything else, it's his turn to invite me, and I promise to try to not get so crazy when there is no response to a Text or an IM.....I promise to hmmmm act my age? Nah, No who wants to do that. I promise to focus on only improving me this week....if he wants to hang out, be friends, kiss me(haha) date me.......he is going to have to make the next move.
PS-I said the same thing last week!!! At least aobut the texting and inviting. Didn't text him for 4 days, didn't hear from him and then caved on the 5th day and text msg'd him......haha...wish my 13 year old self in a 31 year old body some luck and some willpower..............I hate boys!
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Monday, January 12, 2009
For My Love Of The Game
I'm not sure where this love came from and how it got so big but I have this love for the Philadelphia Eagles that cannot be altered by any means. It's been since 8th grade so were talking 18 years now, but each year it gets bigger. I am what they would call a superfan. I "Bleed Green" as they say. When it's not football season I morph into someone else, sure all the memorabilia is still up, the autographed photos and footballs, the wall hangings and yes in off season I still use my Eagles cutting board. But the passion and the fire that burns in me is doused come February, and honestly most of the time, before February but this year feels like a miracle year. On December 21st we played the Redskins and had a humiliating loss. It seemed like that was it for us. No one was saying "Oh they still have a chance!!" At that point we were 8-6-1 and in 19th place out of 32 teams. I watched that game at work and had trouble pulling myself together...that’s right I said it, I cry over football. The eagles team literally feels like a group of my closest friends. Year after year they have the ability to take me to my highest level of happiness and euphoria and they do, but they also break me. Most people in my life think I must have some mental problem that causes me to be so attached to a team but Philly fans understand. We are known to be the craziest, rudest, most passionate fans in the league and although I probably wouldn't throw a snowball at Santa(unless of course he was wearing a Dallas Jersey) you can include me with the rest of the uncontrollable fans. Ok back to our 'Miracle' season. We are 8-6-1 and the day after Christmas I get a text from the Eagles Fan Zone that says "In order to achieve wildcard status the Oakland Raiders, who were 4-11 at the time, had to beat the Tampa Bay Buccaneers who were 9-6, AND either the Giants had the beat the Vikings or The Texans had to beat The Bears AND we had to beat the Cowboys who only needed to beat us and they were in the playoffs. That Sunday the 28th, magic was in the air. Our game was the 4pm game and the other 3 games that determined our chances all played at 1pm. I was home for Christmas still and although the Giants/Vikings game was televised the other two were not. My mom doesn't have internet access so we spent our morning watching the updates on the corner of the screen to find out if dreams can come true. Little by little as fate would have it everything seemed to fall into place. The Oakland/Buc's game was a tight game and they were tied 14-14 in the 3rd quarter...for what seemed like an eternity. But in the 4th quarter the Buc’s scored first and it was 21-14, then every time that score would pop up it seemed like someone had added points. In the 4th qtr the Raiders scored 17 pts, the Buc’s 10, the Raiders won in the last few seconds of the game! What a great feeling. And to add to that guess what, it couldn't be more perfect because as a diehard fan it's hard for you to pull for someone within your conference so as fate would once again have it the Giants lost BUT The Texans won!! Both of the wins that gave us a second chance ending score was 31-24. Maybe that will be our ending score in the Super Bowl? ;-) Oh but wait, we still had to beat our arch nemesis the Dallas Cowgirls, a very tough team. It was a home game and earlier in the season when we played them it was a battle and the ended up on top, 41-37. That game was crushing and we really had something to prove on 12/28/08. And prove it we did. This game may have been the most beautiful game I have ever seen. I don't know if it was because at the last minute we were reborn playoff wise, or if it was the hate for the cowboys, or if it was some Christmas miracle but it was the game of a lifetime. We started out 3-3 our defenses' both seemed strong and then it happened. Donovan scored on a sneak to put us up 10-3 in the 2nd quarter. In the final 2 minutes of the second qtr we scored 17 pts, one was a 4 yard pass to Buck, then Sheldon Brown intercepted one of Romo’s under thrown passes which eventually led to a TD by Celek. It was 27-3 at the half and we were playing like we hadn't played since the last Cowboys match up. We were on fire! At one point Donovan ran toward the Eagles' sideline and suddenly stopped. He turned around toward the Cowboys bench and flexed, and pointed to his name on the back of his jersey! In the second half another magical moment...Dawkins sacks Romo and Clemons picks up the fumble and runs 73 yards for a TD that gave us a 34-3 lead!! Just minutes later Hanson returned another fumble by Marion Barber 96 yards for yet another TD!!! The final score was 44-6 EAGLES. Lots of happy tears and moments of pure joy were had that day. I just need to ad that the Cowboys not only lost its regular-season finale for the ninth straight season in a row BUT the 38-point loss was the Cowboys' largest margin of defeat since 1988!!! So here we were, in the playoffs. It truly felt like a miracle. Like the Red sea parted for us! Round one, Wildcard weekend we played the Vikings. To be honest we did not play very well but we pulled off a win with two game changing plays. Asante Samuel had 44-yard interception return in the second quarter which got us a TD and we finished the half 16-14 Eagles. Then in the 4th Westbrook caught a short pass and managed to zigzag through the Minnesota defense for a 71-yard TD. So we made it past Wildcard weekend and then the past week I had to live through hundreds of people saying there was no way we would beat the Giants. "They might as well not even show up to Giants Stadium. Well my 'friends' it's a good thing we did. Although the Giants had a bi-week, it was another road game, the Giants were 12-4 regular season and last years Super Bowl champs we went there and took them out of contention!! It was a tight game the 1st 3 qtrs we went in at the half 10-8. The Giants had two Field Goals and a Safety which was a bad call. We had a Quarterback Sneak TD and an Akers kick. We stopped the Giants on two 4th and inches plays they decided to go for and they were 2-10 and 3rd downs. Their kicker missed 2 field goals in the game and Asante Samuel and Quintin Mikell both had interception that led to points. The Giants scored zero TD's and the final score was 23-11!!! And that’s were I end this blog. But I am here to say we are one game away from the Super Bowl and I couldn't be happier. This year may be the end of an era with rumors of Andy, Donovan and Dawkins among others leaving, maybe this is the year we get our ring and prove to all the Philly naysayer’s that this is the greatest team in Philadelphia Eagles history. The last 10 years this team has found a home in my heart, I will back it till the day I die and I would give my left arm to see them go all the way. And even though I have always thought getting a team or a band tattooed seems kind of lame I have vowed if we make it to this Super Bowl and we win I will be the new proud owner of some Eagles INK! FLY EAGLES FLY!
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Plans
Just a quickie...well that would be nice, and of course would be attainable if I wasn't being so picky lately but that's not even what I was talking about. So today at work with my new found view on life I was job searching. I have decided to apply to hotel jobs in Baltimore, NYC, Philly and some random place that has a big city. THEN I will look for jobs in the music industry even though 90% of them are for unpaid interns and I will apply to four of those. Pretty exciting stuff!
As far as the rest of my life I am gonna try my hardest to just let things happen. There are some definite prospects but that could only be from my point of view! I have a date with one of them Monday but as much as I would like to be this 'free spirited' my mind is focusing on just one....well one and an 8 yr old relationship who's fragments of memories pop up every once in a very weak moment(THE EX)But it's not that I miss him. I have moments of 'what might have been' RIGHT....what might have been if we were both different people! Haha. So I'm going through that annoying teenage girl, smitten kitten phase and I hate it! I need to be more patient and see if he asks ME to do something! 31 undone has never been more true....and when i put myself in his shoes it seems pretty obvious that I am into him and I still can't tell if he has even a shred of interest. BTW this is not a self esteem issue, its a he's hard to read issue.
OK SEE-Getting consumed already---BACK TO THE PLANS 4 my new life, new job, new home!!!
As far as the rest of my life I am gonna try my hardest to just let things happen. There are some definite prospects but that could only be from my point of view! I have a date with one of them Monday but as much as I would like to be this 'free spirited' my mind is focusing on just one....well one and an 8 yr old relationship who's fragments of memories pop up every once in a very weak moment(THE EX)But it's not that I miss him. I have moments of 'what might have been' RIGHT....what might have been if we were both different people! Haha. So I'm going through that annoying teenage girl, smitten kitten phase and I hate it! I need to be more patient and see if he asks ME to do something! 31 undone has never been more true....and when i put myself in his shoes it seems pretty obvious that I am into him and I still can't tell if he has even a shred of interest. BTW this is not a self esteem issue, its a he's hard to read issue.
OK SEE-Getting consumed already---BACK TO THE PLANS 4 my new life, new job, new home!!!
Friday, January 9, 2009
Everything Happens for A Reason
So I had plans tonite to have a big movie outing with some work friends and some outside of work friends and in the end everything falled through. Normally I would be annoyed or upset about cancelled plans but there were several non-scary movies that I wanted to see so I pretty much didn't give a shit about anyone else. And the movie I went to see made me realize this is how I should be living. I do not want to confirm to the jello mold of our society. I was never the little girl that dreamed of the giant wedding, the two kids, the white picket fence. All I wanted to be was a singer. Some of my best memories are going in the backyard at nite and singing while I swung on my swing set. As I got a little older my heart got lost in music. I ran through an 8 pack of batteries in a week with my Sony Walkman. I would sleep with them on...although now I realize the music could have only gone on for 30 minutes or less. Unless I was flipping cassette tapes in my sleep....hmm it's possible. The dream of singing turned into song writing when I started to hear myself sing. Not that I am bad but definitely nothing more than average. So I started to listen to my disc man(yes i moved up in the world) and write lyrics.....I was 16 and had no idea where to send my stuff or even who to share it with. I was so scared of rejection, sadly I had no faith in my talents and trashed most of them. I spent most of my 20's claiming to be a writer and barely writing. I focused all of my heart and soul on men...or boys mostly ;-) Somehow without me even noticing I put my dreams on the back burner. My true happiness became concerts. I managed to work my way slowly backstage and started to befriend musicians and started to remember my dreams. Whether it be singing, writing or even managing, it always had something to do with music. I don't even want to use the word dreams, music is in my veins, I live and breathe it. These feelings would come and go from concert to concert and a few days later I would lose focus and everything was about my crumbling relationship. I'm not blaming him because trust me we were both at fault, and now that I look back to the beginning, doomed from the start. It took me a long time to trust and believe we weren't made for each other and STICK TO IT. In fact if you ask any of my friends they probably still won't believe its really over. Almost 8 years we fought through off and on, off and on. During those 8 years the only thing I wrote about was our relationship. So back to my point. Ever since it REALLY ended I have just been trying hard to stand my ground and remember the bad stuff....you know, not falter. I've been crushing on guys and dating, sort of so my happiness, my future seemed to be depending once again on men. Then tonite I see this movie.....and I realize that for most of my life I have just been going with the flow. Even though I have always believed that whatever you dream of can be yours, you just have to be willing to put in the time and the passion. I have never REALLY tried hard to get what I want other than men. I have spent the last 2 years in a job I like but I am underpaid and undervalued. No promotion... Commuteing an hour each way, everyday....but it's my safety net. The employees have become my friends, my family....but that's not getting me anywhere! I need to decide what I want and put my heart in it....and I don't mean WHO I want, I mean WHAT I want! Do I want to manage bands? Guess what no one is going to knock on my door and offer me a job. And is South Jersey the best place for me or again am I just comfortable and CONFORMING to the low expectations of society? So this is it. I am giving myself a week to pick WHERE i want to live and WHAT I want to do and then that's it. No excuses. Not to mention my health. There is no excuse to not stick to my plan. Someone has been holding me back and that someone is none other than ME!!
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
2008 Year in Review-Part 1
Since this blog is being started just a few hours before 2009 I am gonna post my 2008 memories here just as a quick review. It was an interesting roller coaster of a year to say the least but career wise, NOTHING CHANGED. I need to write more. I am gonna start small with this blog and see where it takes me. For those of you who know me well you know I don't hold back much and I intend to be my complete self on here. i guess that's a warning for those of you I have met recently or who think they know me. So if you don't want me to use your real name or if you think I am revealing too much about your life please let me know. Enjoy my ramblings.
2008
Vics b-day celebration in Princeton with Conti’s, Thomas sweet, playoff football and Sweeny Todd: This was at the beginning of the year so I don't remember it with fabulous detail. I know Green Bay was playing and it was snowing during their game. I remember Vic, Char and Kory loved the movie and I wasn't as impressed. It was so crowded that the 4 of us couldn't sit together. Is this the nite we all squeezed onto Chars couch to watch Saw 3 and Vic left because it was too scary? Probably not-that was probably 07 but its a fun memory anyway! I unfortunately remember my 1st Thomas Sweet experience---luckily it didn't hook me too bad, I think I only went once or twice after that, but good stuff. I love our B-day tradition, at least we know we will be getting together three times a year....January, June and November....Remember to schedule flights to Jersey from Argentina Vic!
Valentines Day HELL-I think this was another one of those "Lets just give it one more shot" trips with The EX. We had seen each other the end of '07 and had a great week, probably one of our best, and thought 'ok lets see if we can keep this going'...the answer....no. We met up in Baltimore, when he got there he was pissy and coming down with a cold. There was no welcome hug or pleasantries. It was more of the good old welcome I experienced in Virginia when he would come home and just nod at me, grab a beer and sit at the far end of the couch and take over the remote. I had bought 3 gifts for him, even though I knew the previous years he worked the 'I don't believe in Valentines day, its a hallmark holiday, they just want people to spend money" excuse. He got me nothing, no card, no "We don't need Valentines day-I love you all the time" BS. To say the least it was an ugly trip of fighting, no touching, no sex, no love....another wake up call that I needed but that of course did not push me away completely. I guess I will have to do a catch up story on "The EX" some time in the future----7 years of ups and downs...mostly downs.
EAGLES ACADEMY!! Kris and I signed up for Eagles academy for women...we went to the Nova Car Complex where the birds practice and hold all press conferences and meetings. They took us to the practice field, made us do obstacle coarse, throw and catch passes and kick a field goal. I was damn proud I kicked mine in!!! We had a chance to meet and learn from Sean Considine and AJ Feely and they fed us the same stuff the boys eat. It was a very exciting and memorable experience!!! I LOVE MY EAGLES!
The cave trip---So in April after two months of it being over again with THE EX, and us agreeing to disagree on the Valentine trip, (he claimed he was sick and I was being insensitive for not wanting to stay in the room watching tv 24/7 with him and that the girl at the bar was just being friendly, not blatantly flirting with him in front of me etc etc) he talked me into seeing him "ONE MORE TIME" for his birthday, but just as a friend. Another BAD IDEA. We met up with a friend I had met through work and The EX and him had a common bond in music which I did not share...I didn't hate his music, I guess I wasn't well educated on it but these two were and they hit it off. We went to a small bar with a DJ and I sat talking to strangers while those two talked music---for 4 hours...at the end of those 4 hours its 2am and I am bored out of my mind, but its his birthday so I tell him I am just gonna go out in the car and take a nap. He just nods. So I go out in the car and fall asleep, an hour later I wake up and go back in and they are gone...but I drove so where could they be. Turns out they left with some couple to score some Coke, and I am not talking about soda. Let me just not that I have never tried it and most likely never will. Not because I am uptight but more or less because I am afraid I would either a) have some kind of weird deadly reaction or b) become an instant addict! It was kind of obvious that it made no difference if I was there or not. I told him he could stay at unnamed friends place but I was going back to the hotel. They eventually talked me into hanging out, they did lines, the friend got weird all of a sudden and demanded us to leave, had some of the best sex we have ever had and then proceeded to get along the rest of the trip. We did discover LPSteamers, a whole in the wall crap place that was pretty cool but of course we had a fight and I ended up crying on my blue crabs. We also found this strange secret record store that you had to do down this narrow path between two houses to get to and go semi into a basement. Very cool. When I got back I verified with him that we are still friends and it is over but we continued to talk as friends every nite for over an hour....still no real release.
Ours in Studio 104.5/Show w/ Fuel-So we have made it to May, unfortunately this seems to be when 2008 really got started ;-) Radio 104.5 had an In Studio Session with Ours and their single Worst Things Beautiful was getting some airplay. They were about to start a huge summer tour that I would be their travel manager for and Charlene got me an invite to the studio. I went on my own and it was a pretty rare experience. There were about 10 of us in studio and Jimmy did 4 songs. After wards I stood and talked to April and Loche as Jimmy signed posters for the fans. He came over and hugged me and handed me the poster he had done for me which reads "Heather, Thank You for all of your help and actually making it possible for us to tour! We Love You. Jimmy" This meant the world to me. That night was the first nite that April walked me, and Victoria and Charlene backstage. To a small hot room with just family and close friends. It felt awkward at first but I am used to it now! I am so thankful for being a part of this band even if it is a small part...it's a start.
Vic’s going away party-My friend Victoria spent 3 months in her homeland of Argentina but before heading south she threw a great backyard party---who knew it would be like 40 degrees in May! I played beer pong for the first time and did pretty f-ing good for a virgin. Vic was pretty drunk and kept saying "It's my party!" We fought over music all nite and kept switching between everyones ipod, We had Bat's try to attack us and Jamie turned into batgirl to protect us. Mike was drunkenly hitting on Lucy and Vic had two boys that she liked at the same party....pretty funny interesting nite!
Marilyn Manson Show-My man Jimmy Gnecco and OURS somehow got paired up with Marilyn Manson and opened for them for a small tour. Lets just say whoever decided that Manson fans would like OURS was definitely on crack at the time. Talk about a fucked up bunch of followers. There were people with collars and fake blood and honestly representing ones self with a certain style is pretty cool to me but when Manson is spitting on you and you rub it into your skin or he puts his hands down his pants then touches your face....that dedication is something I just can't revel in. Not to mention the fact that they heckled Jimmy and called him gay. I had to speak up and have some words with a loser next to me that was talking shit about my music and I almost threw punches. I am not joking. I almost knocked out some poor mindless 17 year old Manson worshiper...you know what I should have hit that bastard now that I think about it!
4th of July and nites at the HP w/ M-In April I hired someone at work and, in my eyes at least, we became instant friends. We both had the NYC dream and a sick love for music. It was probably the most unprofessional interview I've ever had because all we really did was talk about bands and music in general, then I made him lunch and gave him the employee rate. Even though I had promised myself I wouldn't cross the manager/employee line as far as being friends outside of work, with him I couldn't help it. He has this electric personality that is somewhat addictive, to be honest I think I was going through Ex problems the 1st month he worked there so the addiction didn't start instantly. Around summertime we started to talk about getting a place in Brooklyn together and it seemed like finally my NYC dream was gonna happen. We started to look for apartments and jobs and we started to hang out outside of work. And at work I had a blast with him. I loved getting up and going to work-just cause I knew I would be laughing all nite. At some point my obsession with being friends and spending time with him and our constant texting grew into something else for me and it really shouldn't have. He's 23 for starters....and I honestly think now the only reason I started to like him was because I knew he didn't want me. It's this awful problem I have. I could meet a guy I am not physically attracted to, he could be an asshole, he could have a girlfriend, but if he has some sort of music connection with me and is not interested in me suddenly I have to have him. And with M it wasn't a physical thing for quite awhile. For some reason he always ended up in my dreams. Most of them were fairly innocent and if they included anything sexual it would just be kissing. So as much as I tried to hide my feelings I think my jealousy clued him in. He started to hang out with other people at work and it was making me crazy jealous. He never did anything wrong, we would stay in the same room with each other, double beds, and watch movies and talk about my self esteem. He was a great friend....that I wanted to kiss. We went to Staten Island with Vera and Fil with intentions of going into the city to watch the fireworks 4th of july and we ended up being stuck on that side of the water and leaving early to hang out in our room. We watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall at least three times and we stayed at the hotel from July 3rd to the 6th I think. It was all very fun and innocent. He also came with me in August to see Radiohead.....and trust me nothing ever happened. Nothing was even close to happening but I started to like him more than the healthy secret crush and things went bad. We are still cool with each other but for a good 2 months we barely spoke. My boss even set us down separately and said people were jealous of our friendship and getting the wrong idea. A girl he liked at work thought we were sleeping together, along with a few other people so we started to hang out less and less. He has a girlfriend now, and I am completely over it. In fact now that I look back i never wanted to be his girlfriend, I just wanted to be one of his closest friends. I saw how he hardly ever let people in and felt pretty fucking special that he let me in(even though he regretted it and slowly pushed me out) I will never forget him though, I really am so glad to have had him as a friend in my life and I think he changed me for the better.
2008
Vics b-day celebration in Princeton with Conti’s, Thomas sweet, playoff football and Sweeny Todd: This was at the beginning of the year so I don't remember it with fabulous detail. I know Green Bay was playing and it was snowing during their game. I remember Vic, Char and Kory loved the movie and I wasn't as impressed. It was so crowded that the 4 of us couldn't sit together. Is this the nite we all squeezed onto Chars couch to watch Saw 3 and Vic left because it was too scary? Probably not-that was probably 07 but its a fun memory anyway! I unfortunately remember my 1st Thomas Sweet experience---luckily it didn't hook me too bad, I think I only went once or twice after that, but good stuff. I love our B-day tradition, at least we know we will be getting together three times a year....January, June and November....Remember to schedule flights to Jersey from Argentina Vic!
Valentines Day HELL-I think this was another one of those "Lets just give it one more shot" trips with The EX. We had seen each other the end of '07 and had a great week, probably one of our best, and thought 'ok lets see if we can keep this going'...the answer....no. We met up in Baltimore, when he got there he was pissy and coming down with a cold. There was no welcome hug or pleasantries. It was more of the good old welcome I experienced in Virginia when he would come home and just nod at me, grab a beer and sit at the far end of the couch and take over the remote. I had bought 3 gifts for him, even though I knew the previous years he worked the 'I don't believe in Valentines day, its a hallmark holiday, they just want people to spend money" excuse. He got me nothing, no card, no "We don't need Valentines day-I love you all the time" BS. To say the least it was an ugly trip of fighting, no touching, no sex, no love....another wake up call that I needed but that of course did not push me away completely. I guess I will have to do a catch up story on "The EX" some time in the future----7 years of ups and downs...mostly downs.
EAGLES ACADEMY!! Kris and I signed up for Eagles academy for women...we went to the Nova Car Complex where the birds practice and hold all press conferences and meetings. They took us to the practice field, made us do obstacle coarse, throw and catch passes and kick a field goal. I was damn proud I kicked mine in!!! We had a chance to meet and learn from Sean Considine and AJ Feely and they fed us the same stuff the boys eat. It was a very exciting and memorable experience!!! I LOVE MY EAGLES!
The cave trip---So in April after two months of it being over again with THE EX, and us agreeing to disagree on the Valentine trip, (he claimed he was sick and I was being insensitive for not wanting to stay in the room watching tv 24/7 with him and that the girl at the bar was just being friendly, not blatantly flirting with him in front of me etc etc) he talked me into seeing him "ONE MORE TIME" for his birthday, but just as a friend. Another BAD IDEA. We met up with a friend I had met through work and The EX and him had a common bond in music which I did not share...I didn't hate his music, I guess I wasn't well educated on it but these two were and they hit it off. We went to a small bar with a DJ and I sat talking to strangers while those two talked music---for 4 hours...at the end of those 4 hours its 2am and I am bored out of my mind, but its his birthday so I tell him I am just gonna go out in the car and take a nap. He just nods. So I go out in the car and fall asleep, an hour later I wake up and go back in and they are gone...but I drove so where could they be. Turns out they left with some couple to score some Coke, and I am not talking about soda. Let me just not that I have never tried it and most likely never will. Not because I am uptight but more or less because I am afraid I would either a) have some kind of weird deadly reaction or b) become an instant addict! It was kind of obvious that it made no difference if I was there or not. I told him he could stay at unnamed friends place but I was going back to the hotel. They eventually talked me into hanging out, they did lines, the friend got weird all of a sudden and demanded us to leave, had some of the best sex we have ever had and then proceeded to get along the rest of the trip. We did discover LPSteamers, a whole in the wall crap place that was pretty cool but of course we had a fight and I ended up crying on my blue crabs. We also found this strange secret record store that you had to do down this narrow path between two houses to get to and go semi into a basement. Very cool. When I got back I verified with him that we are still friends and it is over but we continued to talk as friends every nite for over an hour....still no real release.
Ours in Studio 104.5/Show w/ Fuel-So we have made it to May, unfortunately this seems to be when 2008 really got started ;-) Radio 104.5 had an In Studio Session with Ours and their single Worst Things Beautiful was getting some airplay. They were about to start a huge summer tour that I would be their travel manager for and Charlene got me an invite to the studio. I went on my own and it was a pretty rare experience. There were about 10 of us in studio and Jimmy did 4 songs. After wards I stood and talked to April and Loche as Jimmy signed posters for the fans. He came over and hugged me and handed me the poster he had done for me which reads "Heather, Thank You for all of your help and actually making it possible for us to tour! We Love You. Jimmy" This meant the world to me. That night was the first nite that April walked me, and Victoria and Charlene backstage. To a small hot room with just family and close friends. It felt awkward at first but I am used to it now! I am so thankful for being a part of this band even if it is a small part...it's a start.
Vic’s going away party-My friend Victoria spent 3 months in her homeland of Argentina but before heading south she threw a great backyard party---who knew it would be like 40 degrees in May! I played beer pong for the first time and did pretty f-ing good for a virgin. Vic was pretty drunk and kept saying "It's my party!" We fought over music all nite and kept switching between everyones ipod, We had Bat's try to attack us and Jamie turned into batgirl to protect us. Mike was drunkenly hitting on Lucy and Vic had two boys that she liked at the same party....pretty funny interesting nite!
Marilyn Manson Show-My man Jimmy Gnecco and OURS somehow got paired up with Marilyn Manson and opened for them for a small tour. Lets just say whoever decided that Manson fans would like OURS was definitely on crack at the time. Talk about a fucked up bunch of followers. There were people with collars and fake blood and honestly representing ones self with a certain style is pretty cool to me but when Manson is spitting on you and you rub it into your skin or he puts his hands down his pants then touches your face....that dedication is something I just can't revel in. Not to mention the fact that they heckled Jimmy and called him gay. I had to speak up and have some words with a loser next to me that was talking shit about my music and I almost threw punches. I am not joking. I almost knocked out some poor mindless 17 year old Manson worshiper...you know what I should have hit that bastard now that I think about it!
4th of July and nites at the HP w/ M-In April I hired someone at work and, in my eyes at least, we became instant friends. We both had the NYC dream and a sick love for music. It was probably the most unprofessional interview I've ever had because all we really did was talk about bands and music in general, then I made him lunch and gave him the employee rate. Even though I had promised myself I wouldn't cross the manager/employee line as far as being friends outside of work, with him I couldn't help it. He has this electric personality that is somewhat addictive, to be honest I think I was going through Ex problems the 1st month he worked there so the addiction didn't start instantly. Around summertime we started to talk about getting a place in Brooklyn together and it seemed like finally my NYC dream was gonna happen. We started to look for apartments and jobs and we started to hang out outside of work. And at work I had a blast with him. I loved getting up and going to work-just cause I knew I would be laughing all nite. At some point my obsession with being friends and spending time with him and our constant texting grew into something else for me and it really shouldn't have. He's 23 for starters....and I honestly think now the only reason I started to like him was because I knew he didn't want me. It's this awful problem I have. I could meet a guy I am not physically attracted to, he could be an asshole, he could have a girlfriend, but if he has some sort of music connection with me and is not interested in me suddenly I have to have him. And with M it wasn't a physical thing for quite awhile. For some reason he always ended up in my dreams. Most of them were fairly innocent and if they included anything sexual it would just be kissing. So as much as I tried to hide my feelings I think my jealousy clued him in. He started to hang out with other people at work and it was making me crazy jealous. He never did anything wrong, we would stay in the same room with each other, double beds, and watch movies and talk about my self esteem. He was a great friend....that I wanted to kiss. We went to Staten Island with Vera and Fil with intentions of going into the city to watch the fireworks 4th of july and we ended up being stuck on that side of the water and leaving early to hang out in our room. We watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall at least three times and we stayed at the hotel from July 3rd to the 6th I think. It was all very fun and innocent. He also came with me in August to see Radiohead.....and trust me nothing ever happened. Nothing was even close to happening but I started to like him more than the healthy secret crush and things went bad. We are still cool with each other but for a good 2 months we barely spoke. My boss even set us down separately and said people were jealous of our friendship and getting the wrong idea. A girl he liked at work thought we were sleeping together, along with a few other people so we started to hang out less and less. He has a girlfriend now, and I am completely over it. In fact now that I look back i never wanted to be his girlfriend, I just wanted to be one of his closest friends. I saw how he hardly ever let people in and felt pretty fucking special that he let me in(even though he regretted it and slowly pushed me out) I will never forget him though, I really am so glad to have had him as a friend in my life and I think he changed me for the better.
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