I hate boys

Seriously, I wish I were like A-sexual or a lesbian sometimes. Or that I could just stop getting crushes on people, or falling in love with people who only end up breaking me or just plane end up driving me insane. Single life can be completely fabulous. It's a gift and a curse. I mean this year, well the past two months I have been meeting people left and right. I must look different or act different without the weight of a relationship gone wrong on my back, but it can also be the worst. Like tonite. I am smitten kitten for, of all people, my Fed Ex driver at work. He isn't my 'type' at all. Blonde haired, blue eyed, goofy laugh. We have great conversation and sense of humor wise we click like you wouldn't believe, which is rare for me because i have a twisted one. Ok so I invited him to an Ours show because outside of work I ran into him at an Ours show and that's when he peaked my interest, he ended up coming and my friend Vic went also and the three of us had a great time. After that nite I still have no idea if he has any sort of interest in me what so ever. He's getting out of a relationship, one of those even though it ended in August there are still connections and fights and 'should we get back togethers.' I can relate but obviously its not good timing....as usual!! But back to the point. A long time ago, in fact the nite I ran into him at the Ours show we said we should be concert buddies, so a few weeks after I let him know I was going to a show tonite and he said he was interested and to give him the dates and times and all that good stuff. Then the Ours show came and went, like I said we had a great time, we cont. to see each other at work and I was just waiting for him to invite me somewhere...which did not happen. Yesterday he came in and we talked about his Ex......he says he doesn't talk to anyone but me about her, which may be strange but its nice that he feels comfortable with me. But hes driving me insane, I know its my fault, and I am being overly emotional, like were talking 8th grade emotional!! He never seems to give me any solid answers, like tonite he seemed interested in going, and when I asked him his weekend plans yesterday he said he 'might check out Johnnie Brenda's'(where the band is playing) and I said "Ok just let me know tomorrow" So today I am excited about the show, whether he goes or not I love this band and have been waiting to see them for a while. So at 6p I text him and ask whats up 4 the night. No response. I get home and get online and see that he left me a quick message that says the show is sold out for tonite!!! I was so bummed. I guess I didn't consider that could happen because the band isn't well known. I text him at 7p and said 'Just got your message, bummer, do you know of any other live music 2nite?" No response. Meanwhile, I'm crushed, as if by him not texting me it means he thinks I'm disgusting, is avoiding me, I have no chance with him, life is over, maybe I will call my ex...... Ridiculous!!! Like what is it inside of me that makes me act so irrational? So I call another 'boy' that's interested in me and we have a nice conversation but it really doesn't go any where. I get back on the computer and see that Mr. Fed Ex is online so I message him, psychotically "Are you ignoring me? ;-P " and he signs off the computer. That's when my face started to burn from embarrassment and humiliation and girl crushiness....its a new affliction you know....so I come here to vent...and low and behold "NEW MESSAGE" is spoken to me by my sprint phone, I glance over and there is his name creeping across the barely visible display, "Hey I see Metallica is playing at Wachovia Center hahaha, sorry I fell asleep earlier" Fuck, now not only do I feel like a complete lunatic but also some sort of stalker, not to mention a douche!! I respond "Oh so you weren't avoiding me like the plague? Haha My BFF is at that show! U want 2 sneak in? Tell them were VIP?" God.... I was joking but just repeating that it sounds insane. What is my problem?? He goes "Nah, I don't feel comfortable sneaking in" Uh-oh he doesn't get the joke. I continue to be a 13 year old in desperate need to spend time with him and I respond "I'm kidding! ;-) there are some bands at North Star Bar 2nite that I checked out on myspace that seem cool. What r u doing? Do u want to chill" That was 15 minutes ago. No response. I know I have said this before but WHATS WRONG WITH ME?? Its not really the boys that suck its me!! And here I sit with phone in hand wanted to just call him and be all 'whats up if you don't want to hang with me just tell me' Which I know is the wrong thing to do!" For all I know he could have gone on North Stars website to check out the bands that are playing and hes listening to their music right now....haha wishful thinking. If I were him I would probably put down the phone and run....hahahaha I was right!!! He just text me back "They didn't look that cool but what can I tell from myspace? I think I'm gonna just stay warm and watch a movie, I'm glad this week is over and Go Eagles and Ravens" So he doesn't want to hang. That's fine. And even though it is like 2degrees outside I think that was him getting out of this gracefully. But what do I know?? I NEED TO STOP ANALYZING, texting, inviting and bugging. Just to keep anyone who may be reading this in the loop I am sure your dying to know if my response was psychotic so I will share. I said "Haha, alright. I am sure I will end up doing the same. have fun. Go BIRDS!" I thought that was low-key enough...am I right? Man I need to be less like a teenager. So we will add another goal to my plan. I vow to not text him unless he texts me this week, I vow to not invite him to anything else, it's his turn to invite me, and I promise to try to not get so crazy when there is no response to a Text or an IM.....I promise to hmmmm act my age? Nah, No who wants to do that. I promise to focus on only improving me this week....if he wants to hang out, be friends, kiss me(haha) date me.......he is going to have to make the next move.

PS-I said the same thing last week!!! At least aobut the texting and inviting. Didn't text him for 4 days, didn't hear from him and then caved on the 5th day and text msg'd him......haha...wish my 13 year old self in a 31 year old body some luck and some willpower..............I hate boys!