Too Soon

Why didn't I meet you sooner? You were there the whole time I worked at Hyatt but it took OURS for me to see you. Damn it. And I have wasted so much time with my friend "Fear of rejection" and now I am moving across the country. I have told you I will miss you, you say you'll miss me too. I have joked about you coming but we know that's ridiculous. Although I know that taste of escape thrills you. This isn't right. I've sat close to you too many times and felt my heart beating outside my chest but our lips have not touched. Our eyes have met in a not so innocent glance more than once but here we are almost ready to say goodbye. Why does life work like this? Now that it's confirmed that I am moving I feel you trying to wedge some distance between us and I hate it. It amazes me how men want to guard themselves and push things away while woman say time is running out and knock down all their walls and want to spend every last second there is left. How can I get him to want to spend some proper goodbye time with me? Is it too late for us? Has he ever felt anything or have i read this all wrong? I want him next to me, I want to feel, even if just for one night, what it's like to be with him. I want to know if he feels ANYTHING other than friendship.

Headspin

Oh my goodness you really make my head spin. I'm not sure if it's just me imagining and over analyzing or if you basically have feelings for me one day and not the next! It really is emotionally exhausting but as much as I try to take things with a grain of salt I just can't do it. It's not in me. Let me pick some things apart now like an annoying girl. Lets start with last Wednesday-you had pretty much not talked to me in a few days-not responded to a comment or two-no texting etc-something seemed weird-Like you were done, and this was right after the last time we hung out, with the near kisses(i think). So Wednesday, we have a pick up. If I remember correctly it was the day Sally had kissed Matt or vice verse so i felt like I had a reason to text you and your response was like "IT WAS 150 a month EXTRA" so u seemed pissed. When you came in for the pick up, for the first time since I would say December you didn't call or text to let me know you were on your way. I sat at my desk as you came in, I thought I shouldn't run out, maybe u don't want to see me? A minute or two go by and Anna comes back and says "He's here" I go "Did he ask for me" and she said "Oh no-no he didn't I asked him if he wanted me to get you and he said yeah sure" I went out and u were in the rest room. Things felt awkward a little but we joked a lot about Matt and Sally and we warmed up a little-then I made some smart comment about not hearing from you...cause I am a girly dumb ass" and you turn to whoever was working and go "Oh my god, what was it one email, don't ever not respond to an email from her" So I feel like your put off. No big deal. On Thursday-Your birthday, I wrote Happy Birthday on your page and you deleted it?! I know this sounds lame I really do but I need to get it out so its not stuck in my retarded head! Anyways I didn't understand why you would do that. I was confused. Friday u text and say something like "Are you there today? Hopefully you don't leave early bc I'm gonna be my regular time" So I of course analyze that and think you want to see me.....I am so lame. Haha. But I could have left whenever I wanted Friday cause John wasn't there and Sally had left. Normally I would have bolted bc I was going to my mom's for the weekend...but I waited for you. And we had a great visit...I can't remember why it was so good but it was. I practically floated to my mom's house after you left....and you even called about an hour into my trip and we talked on the phone a little. another great conversation. Saturday I was at moms and Sunday when I left her house I thought "What the hell I am gonna call him for once" So I leave a message and tell you I am on my way home and will be in the car 3.5 hours if he feels like chatting. You didn't call.....until I got home ;-) Awesome talk-we talked about family vacations and I shared a very personal story involving an old friend that fell for me..who happened to be female. You definitely enjoyed this thoroughly! Haha. You said "I will be thinking of this story later on tonite" I am not sure if by me thinking this showed he had some sort of interest in me is crazy but that's what I took from it. Monday you called me while you were working, I took the day off. You said "Hey I just had a break real quick thought I would call" I was smitten kitten. This is so 10th grade but I even remember getting goose bumps and chills cause I was so excited that you called without me initiating it. I know I don't want anyone to read this cause all my girls will think I am seriously mental...right? So we talked for about 45 minutes. I think this was when he mentioned something about getting fired for talking on the phone and then he goes "That's cool I will just move with you to Texas then" Ok so yes I KNOW it was a joke but I LOVED this joke! I started to have visions in my head of that actually happening,,,hahaha....call the therapist right? So then we have the dreaded day-TUESDAY-the day Sally thought it would be cute to tell Matt I was in love with you. Which by the way LOVE is a pretty strong word! Especially when I have never even expressed to you that I like you!!! MAN I was PISSED and sooo embarrassed. I am glad you took it the way you did, but I still wasn't sure if it changed things bc you did run out of there really quick. I do know u were busy but it felt SUPER awkward-especially since we had an audience, but I did not feel good about it...and I had emailed you earlier that day and u never responded. And like a big fat loser I mentioned hanging out in it-AGAIN. I just keep inviting over and over again. Maybe that should be the real sign. the minute he asks ME to do something. Shit I don't think he EVER has to be honest! Fuck what am I doing...Oh wait I remember now-I am liking you. This is what I do...I am persistent...and to be honest....my persistence usually works. Well I might as well finish of my psychotic ways with today. I text messaged you about the concert you have tomorrow nite and said "I hope your day is better than yesterdays" and he said "My day is much better than yesterday, I hope yours is too. FWD me that email if you would" (about the show) and my response was "Well no one told anyone I was in love with them so its already a better day. I printed that email thinking it was Friday I guess"(Friday is the only day that its guaranteed you will be in) No response. At about 4:45 you called me and said "Hey I have some free time so I could stop in if you want" This is like crack for me...you stopping in when there is no pickup. You stayed for 45 minutes. I felt comfortable again. You fucked with Sally to get back at her for yesterday which made me sooo happy. You caught me off guard with a few jokes-especially when I jokingly said "have you stolen anything from my place" and you said "Just that pussy" and I almost fell off my bar stool!!! Then you go "You know your cat, Cody" hahaha. I know my face was BRIGHT red. Good times! You did mention though that you will never ever get married and that you don't think Love exists..and that its an action not a feeling(where have i heard that before??) Don't know if these were hints or what............AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH can I scream? then we talked on line tonite. I guess I was feeling a bit ballsy and brought up a few things like me always asking you to hang out and I re-read it like the psycho crazy chic I am and you couldn't seem LESS interested in me! hahaha. i feel ok about it....I mean I hope I am wrong but I am gonna once again step off a little...as hard as it is. And WAIT...I hate WAITING! I am too available though...I invited him to the movies Friday so maybe I should go with someone else and make sure you know it? Evil, lame 10th grader high school bull shit. How old am i? Alright to my chicas who read this please try not to think I am too insane I am just pretty much getting this off my chest so I can try harder to not ANALYZE and pick everything apart!! ICK! Maybe next weeks Live show and then staying over at Hyatt will help me know more. I really really really want to kiss him and see if there is chemistry there. Ok Its 2am and i have to get up by 730. Wish me mental health and well being....and A KISS!!

Blue Hippo and The Wuss

Who knew I was this shy-This damaged? I was with Mr Fed Ex tonite (actually thursday nite) and I had decided that this would be the night I need to find out if there's a chance with us-or at least kiss him! But within the first, I would say 15 minutes we were talking about something, i can't even remember and he said "That's why i don't even want a relationship right now" And I lost all my nerve! Plus I thought "Oh he must be saying that to let me know that he doesn't want to get involved" I was a little bummed but thought "Oh well we can still have a good time" And every minute got better. We have such a great chemistry. We laugh constantly. When I look at him and he looks back I feel this electricity so intense that I have to turn away. He makes me feel so shy. So scared that I am gonna say or do the wrong thing. We have 100 jokes a minute. I wish I could know if he feels something. It certainly feels like he does. He also mentioned that he thinks it takes probably about a year after a bad breakup to be ready to start a new relationship. Its been 7 months.....I don't know if he means dating too? I don't know if he wants to just screw a bunch of different girls. But here's what I do know. I'm a shy idiot. I am about 95% sure that we had one of those moments where your about to kiss. After the concert we were laughing and walking to my car and as we turn the corner we see this amazing steeple w a big clock in it and the moon was right next to it and I said "You should take a picture" he said "That's exactly what I was thinking" so he got out his camera and started to shot it. I leaned against this garage door and watched and stared up at the moon. When he was done he came over and he goes "I wonder if its a church" which was a big joke I am assuming because it couldn't be anything other than that with its two crosses and all. I laughed really hard and kinda grabbed him to like hit him jokingly and he fell towards me and we were face to face and it would have been the PERFECT time for a first kiss...and I pulled away and said "No its not a church it's a hang out for people who worship Satan" and we laughed and got in the car. Fast frwd to saying goodbye. I was sitting in my car listening to him talk and hoping I get another 1st kiss opportunity. We get out of the car and we are talking about when we have to be up the next day. I said "I don't work until 1p which I hate, but tomorrows Friday so my friend Derek will be coming to pickup a fed ex package" and he came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me. If I wasn't so shy and nervous and scared of rejection I should have turned to face him and see if I could get a kiss. But instead I said "Oh a hug from behind, interesting" or something that lame or even worse and I walked beside him with his arm around me. And I said I had a great time..he said "Me too maybe we can go back when she has her upright bass" And he got in his truck and rolled down the window and screamed out jokes as I walked to my front door. I wish I could rewind and kiss him by that church. The last few days we received more bad news and he seems to be barely talking to me.....I guess I am going to Texas...I will explain later.....

I'm a Creep

Just heard Creep by Radiohead. This guy in my life--well sort of in my life but twice removed, who I dated briefly 6 years ago and still claims to love me, told me once that the lyrics reminded him of our relationship. At the time I was being a bitch and convinced myself there is no way he can love me, he doesn't know me(hadn't seen him for like 4 years at the time) and I thought "Great thanks for ruining a song I really like, now I will feel guilty every time I hear it" Because I know what its like to have these uncontrollable needs for one person and get nothing in return, I do feel bad that I can't feel the same way...but I digress that is not why I am writing.

I was lying in bed taking a nappy nap when the song came on. Let me describe the setting a little further. Worked 8-4 today, got about 3 hrs of sleep last nite (due to phone conversation w Mr Fed Ex) This morning I was texting back and forth briefly to Mr. Fed Ex who I think (or thought I guess) I was making great progress with. At around 11 I decided that even though I have said about 50 times that I was not gonna invite him anywhere again because it seems one sided, I of course talk myself out of that and think that I will invite him to just hang out. Have dinner, talk, maybe play some guitar hero on Wednesday of next week. So I say "Hey do you have a gig or anything on the 25th?" And he does not respond. Ok whatever, I move on and realize that their can be a logical explanation or he does not want to hang with me...whatever. So meanwhile I am evil and weak and I am leaving tonite for Baltimore to be with The Ex. Which has been planned since last weekend. Neither the Ex nor Mr Fed Ex know about each other. Meaning FedEx doesn't know I am still hanging out with, and sleeping with, my EX AND My EX knows of Mr Fed EX but has no idea I am crazy about him. I feel like a complete ass hole. And hear I lay taking a quick nap before I hit the road of shame and possibly eternal settling, Mr Fed Ex responds 7 hours later and says "Hey, no gigs on the 25th, just work at fed ex and work on my business." And yes he has told me before not to read between the lines and so have many many other reliable sources but I take from the delay and the answer that he does not want to see me. Fine no big deal. I do not respond. And still have not. Yay me.

About 20 minutes go by and Creep comes on. And I realize that I don't deserve to have Mr Fed Ex be crazy about me the way I am about him. I don't deserve it at all. I am the creep, to my Ex, to Mr Fed Ex, I can't compete with models....I can't start out a relationship still seeing my EX. I can't expect karma or fate or whatever to cut me a break because I do not deserve it. So I will swallow my pride and accept my fate. I will get in my car and accept that unless I change that this is my destiny. That I have no right to believe that I should get what I want until I am honest with everyone in my life, and until I am equal to or greater than the qualities both mentally and physically of the person I am 'feeling.' And right now I am not good enough for Mr Fed Ex. He deserves better. And now I will leave you with part of the infamous lyrics to Creep......

I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice when I'm not around
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell I'm doing here?
I don't belong here

Mr. Fed Ex or The Ex

So I am not back together with the Ex but he is trying. One of our reoccurring problems the past 7 years was Valentines day. Last year we broke up right after it because I spent all this money on him, we went to Baltimore and he wouldn't leave the room b/c he caught a cold, we didn't have sex and he didn't even acknowledge it was V-day, other than telling me "Sorry I don't believe in it, you know that" Anyway, he sent me a dozen long stem roses to work. The card reads "Don't say I never sent you flowers. Enjoy the corporate manufactured holiday thanx to Hallmark. Anyway Hope you have a good day! Love Ron. He means well and I do love him but it's just not feeling like crazy love. With Mr. Fed Ex I am still feeling butterflies...in fact more and more everyday. And I still have no idea what he's thinking or feeling. Two days this week(Friday and Saturday) we talked on the phone for almost 3 hours. He called me both times. I mean friends talk on the phone so who knows what that means. I hate to analyze everything. I don't want to be one of those crazy annoying girls. We talked about childhood memories and I was telling him I got spanked in 3rd grade and he said "that's kinda hot actually" I was like "You like the thought of little girls getting spanked, that's a little scary" He said "I don't know what you looked like when you were a kid so I am not picturing it when you are little" I was like "OH REALLY?" and then I made fun of him and said "Your face is red right now isn't it?" We talked about things we miss about being in a relationship and it's so weird how we agree on almost everything. And all my little idiosyncrasies...he seems to have the same. Little shit like I love it dark, I hate having lights on, or how we both love blaring music and falling asleep with the TV or radio on. We like the same music. We have both been in a long hard relationship. Right, I know, for most of those things who hasn't, but we just click. And we laugh and laugh. Maybe he just feels comfortable to talk to me about these things BECAUSE of the fact that he doesn't feel anything. Then there is The Ex....he's trying to get a house, he loves me and is trying to show me that he does. And here I am waiting to see if Mr Fed EX is into me before I make any choices or tell the EX that I have feelings for someone else. I am a bad person! My EX is right, I lie to him all the time. I don't cheat, but I lie or 'withhold the truth" A LOT when it comes to him and I. In my heart I want to make sure THE EX isn't the one by feeling what it used to feel like to be in love. I miss this feeling....WAIT, I am not saying I'm in love but I LOVE the feeling of liking someone, the drama of waiting for the phone to ring, the excitement of the chance he may be feeling what I am, the magic of a first kiss. I know these are only things you have 'in the beginning' but I would like to still believe that there's someone out there for everyone that can make the beginning period last 4ever. I can count on one hand the people I know who are married that still feel that way...but I want to be a part of the exception....not the rule! So I am being a bad girl and waiting for a confirmation from Mr. Fed Ex before I tell The Ex I have feelings for someone else. Sure, it isn't fair to him, I know that. And how can I expect him to trust me? The worst part about it is I am supposed to be with The EX again this wknd, but what happens if Fed Ex asks me out last minute. Or if he calls while I am away, if i do still go. I certainly don't want to lie to him.....but I could ruin my chances if he did know the truth. This is a bad triangle I'm in...or more like a web of lies......What would you do? It's not fair to either of them. Maybe I don't deserve either of them.....

My wagon and why I fall off it so much

Friday was nice. Went out with one of my girls, we had dinner and during dinner got on the topic of our sex #...noI am not sharing, and then we talked about Ex's. I hadn't talked to mine in almost 2 months. Sure there was a text here and there but no voice. I had been great, starting to date, feeling like I had finally done it. Not only that I had done it, but that I was glad I had moved on, and that for once I was sure this was it...no turning back. Ok so back to our Ex conversation. When I brought him up the same thing was said that most of my friends say "It's not that he's a bad person, he's just not right for you" I always think, is this my fault? Most people have only met him once or twice and the rest of their judgement is soley based on what I tell them about him. Not that I have ever lied but I don't think there was much talk of "Oh we were together this weekend and he made me laugh so much, and we had great sex, he paid for everything" And its not like those times don't exist. I will admit that we are either on top of the world or down in the dumps as far as our relationship goes. There wasn't a whole lot of happy medium--or was there, its just that its not as memorable as the highs and the lows? So I wake up Saturday ready for my weekend of dates. A little dreadful but excited overall. When I got out of the shower I saw my phone blinking. Picked it up and low and behold-1 missed call-the ex. No new Msg. I ponder for a few minutes, my first instinct tells me to ignore it, if it was that important he would leave a message. I walk away and start to distract myself and then that familiar voice in my head is back. "He's one of your best friends, dont you miss that? See if hes ok, see why he called" I go the safe route and text him. "I see that you called. What, no message?" A minute or two later my phone rings. I didn't hesitate as much as I should have and I answered. He said "To be honest I am working and forgot to have my phone on lock and it was in my pocket-it dialed you and my mom and a few other people, but I am glad to hear your voice again, even though I am sure you don't feel the same, but how are you>?" I told him I was good, that the eagles loss crushed me a little but I was picking myself back up. He said that almost everyday there are things he wants to call me about, he said "Your my best friend and you were for 7 or 8 years, and I think in those 8 years the longest we've gone is what, a month? you would know better than me" He said he missed me, that he's sure I'm fine bc I have always been pretty resilient and I am probably seeing someone already. I told him I had a date tonite, my first date since him. He said "Man that is hard to hear but I do just want you to be happy and apparently I am not the one for you which is unfortunate" I said "I could respond to that but we probably shouldn't get into it considering our situation" He said "No please, at this point there is no reason not to say anything we want or need to, our cards are on the table" And I said "You could be the one if you really wanted to, we both have problems but they are fixable but the problem is neither of us was ever willing to change unless the other one did which got us no where" He said "I guess your right, the last time we talked though when i told you I was gonna do you a favor you were being so cold and mean to me and it wasn't you at all, and the fact that I was making you that way made me realize you don't need me in your life, not to mention I think everything is stacked against us and everyone in your life hates me, I don't trust you anymore so we seem doomed" I told him that no one in my life hates him, there are several that think he's great but we just aren't made for each other. He said "Alright ok, It really was great to talk to you and I don't know what any of this means I wish we could be friends again but I understand if we cant but just so you know you can call me anytime you need me, even later today if you want" We laughed and I said "Thank You and I do miss your friendship too" He said "That means a lot to me cause I honestly thought you hated me, that you never wanted to speak to me again-Look I gotta go I am at my next job but I do love you and I guess I will talk to you sometime" I said "I love you too, have a good day" and we hung up. In the next few hours I ran some errands and tried to clear my mind of it all. I had left my cell phone home by accident and when I got home there were 3 texts from him talking about wanting to see me. I said sorry I have plans. He said what about Sunday-I would drive all the way there just to be with you for a day. Well I did have plans but the excitement of it all and the urgency made me say "Really-you'd drive 5 plus hours to be here one day?" He said "No strings, we can hang as friends, no pressure whatever happens happens.etc" And my wagon of hope hit some sort of rock and I landed flat on my ass along some abandoned highway. I agreed to it, not only that but I suggested he drive all nite Saturday so he would be in NJ to wake me up Sunday. And he did. We went to the restaurant we had our first official date at, Bahama Breeze, we laughed and drank and ate great food. It was just like the old days. And there it was again. My love for him. When we are together and we aren't arguing, were laughing, and he talks about how he is getting a house and his life is going well and I have these visions of me in that house, of us having bbq's and maybe even a baby. I start to reason with the things we have issues with. I start to say "Maybe we can do this!" That nite we do our traditional falling asleep early then waking up around 3am and staying up doing unmentionable things until the break of dawn. Then we sleep a few hours and I get massively attached when I wake up in the morning and he's next to me. My heart tells me 'this is what you want!' My heart also tells me I don't want to go to work and one day isn't enough and he says to me "Look this wasn't planned but do you care if i stay, I know you have to work but I just feel too tired to drive and I want more time with you" I told him he couldn't stay unless I had off work and after getting ready 4 work I convinced myself that I could get away with calling in sick. He refused to give an opinion and didn't want me to get in trouble but after I did it he was like "Yay! What are we doing today?!" I got back in bed and we watched TV among other things and we searched for places to go, got ready and went out to a new place. We stayed there for 3 hours eating and drinking and laughing. Afterwards we stopped at a liquor store and decided we would drink and watch our favorite episodes of 6 feet under. Well I guess it was Karma or something telling me that I shouldn't call out sick because I drank fast and furious and within about 30 minutes watching Six Feet Under in double vision, I was puking up whatever went down. Gotta say he took good care of me-Got me a hair tie, a garbage can, water, he kept asking if I was ok and trying to make me laugh. After about an hour out of no where I felt fine. I remember going-"What happened?" Then we went to bed and set our alarm to get up at 3am to check out this crazy show on Fox news.....then some more awesome mind blowing sex. Oops I said it was unmentionable. Oh well. So the plan was we would leave at the same time and as I am getting ready for work-and honestly feeling really exhausted and like I could puke again, he asks me if he could stay again. I don't hesitate for a second and I tell him I will try to leave early....since i did actually feel sick. During work he sent me sweet and funny texts all day and I ended up not leaving early, well 30 minutes early. When I got home he was cooking me dinner. We had another great nite. So good that it felt like 'this is how it should be with us' I kept wondering after all we have been through that maybe it would be different, we haven't lived together in almost 4 years. What would happen if we lived in the same town even? Would we drive each other crazy or would we both let go of the things that drive us crazy about each other? The next morning after I get ready for work I wake him and try to say goodbye and hes just like "Bye" and rolls over. I told him he sucked at goodbyes and he said "Oh well-I could get up but I don't wanna" So that's how this great, unexpected weekend ended. On my way to work I was so torn. What had just happened....just 4 days earlier I was over him, done. Dating new people. Then there is now. My heart and my mind are communicating with each other and reminding me that this has happened before. I'm so angry with myself for letting this happen...or am I? My thoughts are different minute to minute-This is good-NO this is bad. Just take it day by day-NO you have done that for too many years....Its stressing me out so much that I am eating bad, skipping the gym and spending time in a melancholy daze at work. Oops and suddenly theres another bump in the road...I think a wheel fell off my wagon and no one is here to help me fix it and boost me back up there. Can't I use some magic spell and make him be the way he was this weekend forever? Can't I have Mr. Fed Ex? We can help each other get over the past. It seems like nothing is ever that easy. My heart wants to be free and love who it wants to and be brave and not care it may be on its way to being shattered once again. I love him. And that love seems to be killing me. But how can anyone know better than him or I? We are the only two that have witnessed all the ups and downs and trust me, I have wronged him many times. Dating other people is so hard. The comparing, the 1st impressions, the pressure. Can't I just be with my man? Can't we both bend a little in order to make this work? Who the hell knows. Not my friends, not my mom, not him, and certainly not me.

Re-entering the Dating "Scene"

OK so I am semi-fresh out of an off and on again 7 yr roller coaster, I mean relationship and I finally after almost 6 months(although I relapsed twice for some 'send-off sex' and 'last goodbyes') I'm officially ready to get back out there. And to be honest the guy I am interested in the most(Mr. Fed Ex) is either oblivious or not interested in me so I am gonna try my luck with some other nice guys I met in the last few weeks. 2009 has been pretty cool so far...well except for the Eagles shattering my heart once again. Anyway So this weekend may be the weekend of movies and awkward 1st dates! Unfortunately only one of the 3 people I am going to the movies with wants to see something I want to. Tomorrow is a girls nite with Victoria and we planned on seeing The Reader but it's only playing in Voorhees which is too far for Vic so I am settling on Bride Wars....I used to LOVE romantic comedies but I think my bitterness has made me loath happy endings. I need a little depth to my movies BUT, she really wants to see it and I am sure its not that bad. Date #1 is Saturday, I met him at the Eagles Playoff party. He is 37 and has a 13 year old. I don't know a lot about him. He seems sweet and funny but to be honest I don't feel any 'sparks' as of yet. He does love the Eagles so much that he has a tattoo so that's a bonus! We can mourn together! Well he suggested "My Bloody Valentine" which is advertised as "A great date movie" Its in 3-D and its a horror/whore flick that's supposed to have some gratuitous sex scenes and lots of blood and guts. Sounds AWFUL. Sure I could speak up and say "No fucking way" but I already gave him a list of the movies I wanted to see before he mentioned that so I would have to assume he doesn't want to see any of them. He's also one of those "Whatever you want is fine" guys. I hate that..... can you please put forth a little effort?! I would rather have a guy not pay for me but have a planned date then a guy who wants you to plan everything, he will just show up and pay....the worst is if I have to plan it all AND pay! Date#2 is someone I met on *GASP* yahoo personals. He is the only one smart enough to list his phone number so I don't have to pay to join! We have talked on the phone twice, we had good conversation but he comes off a little gay. He looks cute on like 1/2 of his online pics so we shall see. Looks aren't crucial but lets be real, you have to feel something and as much as people claim "Looks don't matter" they do help with the chemistry. So lets hope that all of my plans actually happen this weekend because last weekend was a bust!! But now that Obama is prez I am sure I will feel the CHANGE and have a great weekend. Well I gotta say I am a bit of a bitch because although I am booked all weekend...I would cancel any of the 3 plans if Mr. Fed Ex last minute decides he wants to hang out.......u never know right???