Maybe If

I really think your starting to see how good I am for you...
Now that I'm gone.
Now that I live 1500 miles away.
How convenient.
Maybe If we found you a job here(Which u mentioned, not me)
And maybe if you get over your bitterness
and maybe if we both really let go of the dreaded ex's
And maybe if I lose weight.

Maybe maybe maybe
All I know is you have stayed in contact with me since i left...
more than anyone else...
even my mom and the dreaded ex.
Our phone calls make my night,
our texts make my day.
Do you have any idea how much I am feeling you
or are you still completely oblivious.

Maybe if its meant to be it will be.....

Texas-The Lonely State

So I have started to wake up and the first thing that pops into my head is "I want to go home" I have to quickly push it out of my head and tell myself everythings gonna be fine. But I haven't felt the happy, the contentment, the joy I feel in Deptford. The smitten kitten feeling I felt with Derek (Mr. Fed Ex) the sheer happiness I felt doing absolutly nothing with my friends. Or even the drive home from work that made coming home, even to an empty place, feel so much more thrilling than walking 15 feet to a hotel room. I know a lot of this has to do with me being sick but sometimes it feels like I walked away from what may have been the best times in my life, for what? A promotion, a step up the corporate ladder. People change when you leave them, and people change when they leave. I feel people distancing themselves from me, or do I? The ex suggested that I am the one distancing myself and I am trying to turn it around on everyone else. I need to make sure neither of those things happen. Derek was right, I need to think of this as a 1 yr vacation. Because it really doesnt feel real. Not to mention it's making me wonder if I really want to be a GM>? Is this really my career goal? What happened to wrting? What happened to music? I need to push myself-and I need to not let go of my friends even though they are 1500 miles away. And I need them to not let go of me too. I know I can and will do this but it would help if I knew I could come back..to all the friends...to my family...to the place I belong-East Coast baby!!!!