Miss Us

I know-you think there isn't an 'us'. I haven't talked to you in over a week and a piece of me is definitely missing. I feel like your completely ignoring me.?? In one week i have sent a text, an email and a facebook msg and got zero response. Sure you WERE on vacation but now your not. Maybe you met someone? Good for you-but if we are nothing anyway-if we are just friends or if I am your manager then why won't you respond? I may have even landed you an incredible gig and NOTHING. Is it because I am coming home in a few days? Do you hate seeing me that much? Then tell me! Tell me you cant pick me up from the airport-I will get a car or you know I have other friends, I just thought it would be nice to be with you! This shit is killing me. To the point where last nite I had this vivid dream in which you decide you are in love with my mom, and guess what, she's in love with you too! Mid-dream it switches from my mom to one of my best friends. The worst part isn't that you chose them over me its that you don't care at all and we are no longer friends. So I am not sure what I did, if anything but this sucks. As pathetic and lonely as it may sound I do love you Derek. I wish I didn't. I'm so fucking tired of loving men who don't love me. I thought I would grow on you but if you can just stop talking to me like this so easily then obviously I haven't. You just can't get past the fat right? Just like Scott. Well I am working on it, I really am. I wish it could happen over nite, and even more I wish I spent my life thin but we both know that I would have been married years ago if I had so I probably wouldn't even know you right now. It's like there is no middle-either I choose Ron and he accepts me for who I am and I gradually lose the weight while I have a man or I work my ass off and stay single and only when I am say 70 pounds lighter, THEN I may have a chance at a guy I love if they havent all already found some model/musician/lawyer/actress. Oh or I could say fuck you to everyone and be a bitter, single, fat girl with a cat. NOPE thats not an option. Well time to do some positive thinking on my own since it feels as though I've lost you. Thanks for the memories.